off i go!

the time has passed, the stories have been made, and here i am with one hour left in this wonderful glory-of-a-town. one hour left. looking around at my packed up bags. looking around at this home. this place. this place that has carved a deep deep place in my heart. with one hour left.

they never told me how hard this would be. sure, live somewhere for a year. easy. easy? no no no not easy. leaving this place.... ah even with one hour left i still can't talk about leaving this place. 

acabo de sentarme en el sofa con mi madre maría. acabo de pasar pensando en los recuerdos del año con ella. acabo de llorar y abrazar y esperar en volver otra vez. se ha acabado. 

and thus begins the next chapter of the story: off to sevilla to visit friends there. then off to the canary islands! where erin and i will be wwoofing (working on a farm). a horse farm. in a beach town. with mountains as the background of the scene. thus it begins again. 

with all of my love. 

metas completadas. hasta pronto, esta ciudad de maravilla. familia mía. qué placer ha sido. llevaré los recuerdos, el ritmo, este sentido de ser, a la próxima fase. a sevilla. a la palma. siempre os llevaré conmigo.  ♥

the trouble is.

after this many months... how can i think of leaving? 

therapy.

speaking of my momma. she taught me a lesson last year. an incredibly important, morally righteous, necessary and life-changing lesson. it was when a change of plans brought me home for a month that this lesson occurred. and really, right now is the first time it has popped back into my thoughts. 

what did she teach me? well. when you are in the stick of things. when your life is too much for you to handle. when you are stressed or sad or worried or feel like there are too many things to do but not enough hours in the day or feel like there are too many days in the week and not enough time for you.... when you really need something... that something....

buy a pair of outrageously beautiful and ridiculously impractical and absolutely stunning shoes. 

buy a pair of shoes that are too tall for you to walk around in. buy a pair of shoes that are really sexy. shockingly sexy. buy a pair of shoes that make you feel like you've never felt before. buy a pair of jaw-dropping, second-glance, "hot!" shoes. the kind that nobody indulges in but everybody secretly wants to. buy a pair of shoes that make people look twice. buy a pair of shoes that you don't need or have money for. but that you want. buy them.

and then. when that time comes. when you're stressed. or when you're working. or when all of your friends have gone to the beach and you are wasting away at the grindstone... put them on. put the shoes on. with pride. wear them in the house. or to take the trash out. or, in my case, wear them to the library. and do your thing. hold your head high. because no matter how fast the world is moving, you've got your new pair of shoes that will get you through it. 

so, momma. so, carrie bradshaw. lesson learned and mission accomplished. 

now back to work. 

one twelve page paper for history, done.

one forty-five minute presentation for history, done.

one history exam, done. 

one many-paged translation project, done. 

one twenty-four page journalism project, almost done.

one ten page journalism comparison paper, almost done. 

one five page journalism history paper, pending. 

one journalism exam, pending. 

one translation exam, pending.

and it'll all be ok. because i've got my struttin' shoes on. 

this mother of mine.

time it was i had a dream

and you're the dream come true

and if I had the world to give

i'd give it all to you.

i'll take you to the mountains

i will take you to the sea

i'll show you how this life became 

a miracle to me.

she stands so true in her being, this mother of mine. so firm and strong and wise. her words are solid and truthful, deep and rich, wise and abounding. this mother of mine, she is that pillar. the one of strength, of hope, of dreaming and dreams. the one that is there when you most need it to be, the one that is there forever. this mother of mine. 

you'll fly away

but take my hand until that day

so when they ask how far love goes

when my job's done, you'll be the one who knows.

she teaches, this mother of mine. each thing i hold dear to my heart to my soul to my being, she has taught. each thing i know, she has taught. to be good. to be real. to dream. to stretch your arms and embrace the world. to not hold back. to not look back. to never fear. exuding goodness. this, this is what she has taught. wear your tutu! wear it with pride. try out for the play! do it with courage. live what your heart says! do it with strength. follow your dreams! and i will hold you up. this is she, this mother of mine. 

all the things you treasure most

will be the hardest won

i will watch you 

struggle on

for the answers come

but i won't make it harder

i'll be there to cheer you up

i'll shine the light that guides you down

the road you're walking on

she upholds, this mother of mine. it is real. and tender. and honest. and rare. and she does it, this mother of mine. she upholds her clan, and we thrive in her arms raised high, praising, pressing, pursuing. she upholds. in worries and uncertainties

. in struggles and tears. in missing and waiting. she upholds. she supports. her arms don't shake, her arms don't tire. they raise. and raise. and raise. when the rest of the world falls. and that to me is the greatest mystery of all.

you'll fly away

but take my hand until that day

so when they ask how far love goes

when my job's done, you'll be the one who

 knows.

she laughs, this mother of mine. in its purest and most honest form, she laughs. and the sparkles, oh the sparkles, the sparkles that she emits when this laughter echos through the air. it is a sound that makes distance too far. unmimikable. indescribable. this laugh. this mother of mine. 

before the mountains call to you

before you leave this home

i will teach your heart to trust

as i will teach my own

but sometimes i will ask the moon

where it shined upon you last

and shake my head and laugh and say

it all went by so fast

she knows, this mother of mine. she knows the beat of her drum, and she dances. she hears the beat of our drums, and holds out her hands to help us find the sound. her wisdom is abounding, her knowledge vast. this mother of mine. she leads. in her gentle and tender motherly way. this mother of mine, she knows. 

you'll fly away

but take my hand until 

that day

so when they ask how far love goes

when my job's done, you'll be the one

 who knows

this mother of mine? well. she certainly is something special. 

happy mothers day, momma. i love you.

coffee and time.

a little while after the new year, my momma sent me some coffee. white heather. i write this sipping that coffee now-- that coffee that is the smell of home, the taste of home, the essence of my michigan home. perhaps it is the taste, that rich carmaly hazelnutty flavor; or perhaps it is the familiarity, knowing that a large warm mug of it in between my fingers is the image from home; or perhaps it is the connection, knowing that in just a few hours, other members of the family will be rubbing their sleepy eyes and reaching, too, for a mug of white heather. whatever the reason, this coffee is a godsend. 

there are too many things coming up to live for the moment. what a way to be looking into the future: bright eyed and ready to run. ready to run into whatever it brings, ready to throw my arms wide open, toss my head back, and run with all of my might into the next few weeks and the adventures that they bring. into wrapping things up. into heading back home. into seeing more things and saying goodbye to others. ready to run. maybe thats the image i need in order to keep my emotions under control. the image that most of my life is spent with: leaving a place, growing, bonding, making a story, and then flying once again. ready to run. and while the image is glorious, beautiful, sepia-toned and daffodiled, i wish i were walking. 

this weekend: the weekend in granada. 

coming soon: wilco concert. 

after that: a month working on a farm in the canary islands. 

finally: a visit from papi. 

and then heading back to homebase. 

much love, from this flying girl. 

semana santa.

an honest look at spring in andalucia: 

during carnaval, when you're hungover and the last thing you want to do is leave your house-- you press on and stay out 'till the sun rises again. 

during semana santa, when you're burned to a crisp and the last thing you want to do is be in the sun-- you press on and go to the beach again. 

you know. it's kinda rough. .... :) 

distracted.

maybe it is the fact that im on spring break. or perhaps it may be the reality that i have sunk so deep into this slow and content life that i am having  a hard time pulling myself out. whatever the case may be, my attention span is at its absolute lowest it has ever been. and i wish i could say that it bothers me.

let me clarify... if we're talking about the attention i need to look at the ocean, or to sit on a bus, or to talk in spanish, or play with my host brother. if we're talking about the attention i need to wake up early and stay out late. or hang out with my host mom. or drink coffee. or have long conversations. or dream of the future..... well then, folks, i'm fine and dandy. but if we're talking about the attention span that i need to open one of my school books, to do one of my assignments, to start working on one of my projects for the three classes that i am taking this semester.... well then, folks, i am in trouble. 

case-in-point: i woke up early to start my project, have a book sitting on my lap right now, and decided to write this instead. uhoh. 

cheers

to life being real. 

timelines.

really early: spain celebrates father's day in march. happy fathers day (im late, it was two weeks ago...), papitula! 

really late: spain also moves their clocks ahead late. today late. happy time change, welcome spring and summer.

right on time: spent the weekend in valencia! went to an aquarium and managed to spend seven hours in it. perfect. 

oh! and firsts! -an aquarium!! (the list of detailed first-times is too long to bloggify but spans from belugas to penguins to seahorses and lions). -mediterranean sea!! -real paella!! (from valencia.) now those are some huge deals. 

trust.

i had to go to the doctor for some meds. its near my university, about a twenty-minute walk from my house, so i decided to go right after class. but. i forgot my insurance card. i didn't want to go all the way back home and all the way back. no way. so i gave it a shot.

         "hi, i need this and that, but i don't have my insurance card." 

         "i'll give you the prescription now, and you come back with your card tomorrow morning, ok?" 

times like that i say, come-on usa, get some socialized medicine already!