the truth: i work in a spaceship and yesterday i saw that humanity is still really, really good.
the rest: let me back that statement train up a couple of weeks and fill you in on what has happened in this sweet life. summer ended (goodbye drooping 9-5 workdays that substitute summer for this lady!) autumn came (hello afternoon walks through orange and red!) and school started (for the last time, for a long time, forever!). (beautiful the way that life unfolds in such an uncomplicated sentance, right?)
the classes that i had signed up for this quarter were the *yawns*bores*snoozes*droops*uninspiring kinds of classes. they were chunks of time that i would sit in a classroom. they were hours that i would feign interest. they were a waste. (i'm so sorry to anybody who loves to learn about the way that literature relates to patterns that could have at one point in time lined up with marx's ideas of systematic understanding, i'm really glad that you enjoy this. not my cup of tea.) certainly i could do it, pass, move on with my bad self. but really? that's how i'm going to live? come on, michelle, you're more in love with life than that passivity.
so i began to look into different options. i could drop out of school (let's be honest, the fact that i signed my graduation papers last week is just a big joke). i could start school over (might be fun?). i could suck it up. or i could find a way to get credit for doing something outside of the classroom. bingo.
it dawned on me: if the opportunity presented itself, i could find a way to do something that actually inspires me. i could do something that makes my heart beat in anticipation. i could do something worth-while. i could write. and help. and teach. i could do THAT! somehow i found the door, i had the key, and i opened that little thing right up.
i am currently interning at this incredible nonprofit organization, 826 Seattle. it lights up my life and fuels my soul.
as i spent all of yesterday running around the city to different grocery stores, trying to get donations so that the children can have a snack when they come to after-school tutoring, i was struck with something i haven't seen in a long time: a gold-hearted humanity. i hate asking for money. i hate soliciting. it makes me uncomfortable and i am stubborn. but yesterday, as i trailed through the city, as i met managers and assistant managers and employees, i was blown away by the kindness i saw. they cared. and that, to me, is more inspiring than any class i will ever sit in.
life's going to change a lot these next couple of months. but for now, i revel in the fact that sometimes, in some child or some piece of writing or some grocery story manager, there is good in the world. all mankind, we're all brothers.
we got fancy. i mean-- fancy. we donned our black dresses and heels. we walked the red carpet. we ate truffle oil and lobster macaroni in a place dripped with diamond-studded peacock feathers and black-lace chandeliers. invite only. black and white apparel. yes, that kind of gala.
and then we dipped into the free stoli. and a couple dirty martinis later... we tested how many people you can fit into a photo booth, made friends with the media, and danced our way down broadway passing out peacock feathers to all.
turns out life is really fun. like, ridiculously fun.
the new house is... (how can i describe the new house in a way that will evoke calmness+excitement+enthrallment+brilliance+laughs+snuggles+drinks+cooking+shock+gasp+music+art+happiness+more+more+more all at the same time?)...magic. my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. my eyes are tired from so much fun. my fingers have a constant garlic tinge to them (so much cooking!). needless to say. it's magic.
and you know what else is magic? the flannel scarf i have on today (thanks, karine!), the pumpkin beer i drank last night, the tights i had to wear yesterday.... this autumn crispness really crisps my life up. in a good way. yes, a very good way.
xoxo. all my magic+autumn love.
oh, ps. have i mentioned? this is the view from our new home....
it's always so odd to approach the end of an era. you have been livingin it for so long that it has become the normal.....you forget what it's like to move forward. but at the same time you are anticipating the future so strongly.... you forget what it's like to live in the present.
it's that melancholy nostalgia that really bites you....
this past year has been one of living alone in a beautiful gingerbread-house apartment building. it's been independent, proving to myself that "hell yes i can live alone and thrive!" it's been one of parties and plans and go-go-go-never-miss-a-beat-always-running-to-the-next-thing-because-there's-always-the-next-thing-and-no-time-to-rest-must-fit-it-all-fun (phew, that sentence exhausted me!). it has been a beautiful year, and i owe so much of that to my stunning home.
photo by Allison O'Connor: http://urbanresearch.wordpress.com/
it's odd for me to be at a loss of words about everything that this gingerbread house was to me... but i am. i don't know how to describe to you how it built me, helped me grow, helped me mature, made me wiser. i don't know how to evoke the emotions that came with that dim lighting, that stained glass, that blue floor, that clawfoot tub. i'm unsure how to convey to you the beauty of this year. it was warm. it was solitary. it was good.
photo by Allison O'Connor: http://urbanresearch.wordpress.com/
and thus, while i am at a loss of how to writalize (verbalize? but in writing? get it? oh god i'm sleep deprived) this place to it's fullest, i know this much: i'll carry this with me to the next era. i'll carry these things (so many things!) and this feeling and these memories and stories and moments. gingerbread house, you've been lovely, but it's time for me to go. and here i go!
because change is good. and beautiful. and exhilarating. and refreshing.
and thus, it is on to the next era. upward. onward. the forward move. i raise my glass to karina and erin and jill and emily and sophie and sean who will be my lovely roommates this year, cheers to my best friends. i raise my glass to our 3.5 story home and view and jacuzzi and balconies and fireplace and sunroom and chandelier. clink*clink*cheers*cheers!
we smile. we look around. and then we say, "this will be our year, took a long time to come."
i love when i look down at my left wrist and see the small streak of pink, that scratch still healing in its tenderness. you know the one? the day that my brother and i did a photoshoot in michigan... i defiantly fought gravity and climbed the apple tree, provoking scratches and smiles galore. that streak on my left wrist? well, it reminds me of home.
i love when i close my eyes to blink and they stay put for a full beat. you know that feeling? it is exhaustion at it's finest, begging me to prolong the blink just...as...long...as...possible. but, alas, through the heaviness of these weighed down eyelids comes the memories that make them such. why sleep when there are so many cheers to cheer, so many snuggles to snug, and so many giggles to gig? the ever-lasting blinks? well, they remind me of how happy i am.
i love when my phone battery wears itself out and withers away. certainly for one moment frustration shows his face, but frustration succumbs to more important things. it succumbs to being free of constant communication and to plans made by door-knocks. soon i am not thinking of the time or the text or the voicemail, but instead i am thinking of the present. when my phone dies? well, it helps me slow down.
i love when i eat spicy food and my lips tingle and burn. besides the fact that the taste running through my body is worth it in and of itself, it also is so telling of how well my skin is clearing up. that burn? well, that reminds me that things are changing.
i love when i hop into mazey and after a couple of moments that daunting orange light comes on. "check engine," she screams. it is mystery so enticing-- what could it be? my guess? she's just a tired little thing from running around: airports and bellinghams and oregons galore. she must be tired. ok, my pretty lady, let's rest. when the check engine light goes on? well, it reminds me of where i've been.
to my travel buddy. to my giggle buddy. to my adventure buddy. to my personal weather man. to somebody who helps me see the world through ever-inspired eyes. to a dreamer and a changer and a transformer and a man of wisdom and knowledge. to a kid at heart. to someone who taught me to take the world by the hand and dance with it. to rice and raisins. to "well b's and g's." to cowboy songs. toby keith. sunday popcorn. apple fights. ROCKS. (to stealing rocks from places all over the world. shhhhh.) to somebody who inspires knowledge and craves learning. to nine fingers and clubbed thumbs. to traveling abroad. to a role-model and an unabashed life-lover.
to my dear papi-tula.
cheers to you on this father's day. i love you so.